Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Marlins make moves, but it's not about salary

If you paid attention last week, the Marlins traded Andrew Miller and Cameron Maybin, the two guys Florida received for Miguel Cabrera in one of the Marlins' only up and comer swap for prospects that never panned out.

Then came a much more high profile trade, with Florida on Tuesday sending fan favorite to Dan Uggla to Atlanta for infielder Omar Infante and pitcher Mike Dunn.

Fans, accustomed to the front office treating Marlins players like Craigslist whores, are already crying foul. They're assuming it's all about salary.

So long Dan Uggla

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Surprise! Dolphins have balls

Give Sparano and Co. credit for making a much needed move that everyone knew must occur, but few expected to happen: Chad Henne is heading to the bench.

Don't think that Chad Pennington will miraculously save the day. He's old, hasn't seen significant action in two years, and played above his head in his miracle season with Miami in 2008.



Tuesday, November 9, 2010

This is football, stop bitching about a loogie

Maybe it's the far more intriguing Miami Heat forcing my focus to shift away from the Dolphins, but it doesn't help that the Dolphins are uninspiring to watch and approaching flat out boring.

So how do the Dolphins stay in the national headlines? How about Channing Crowder accusing Baltimore's Le'Ron McClain of spitting at the Dolphins linebacker.

Honestly, who gives a shit? This is football. President Roosevelt (Teddy, not FDR) nearly banned football altogether because of numerous deaths in the 1906 season. They created helmets, life goes on, but it's still a brutal sport.



Sunday, November 7, 2010

Cleveland fans respond to LeBron's commercial. Yep, they're still pissed

Packers fan despise Brett Favre for signing with the rival Vikings, but Favre -- even before he was damaged goods -- was forced out of Green Bay by management ready to usher in a new era with a young quarterback.

Other sports stars have departed small market fans for more exposure and championship opportunities. Those left behind were angry, but moved on. Even when a young and upcoming Shaq deserted Orlando for Hollywood's riches, he was somewhat discreet about. It never felt like a slap in the Magic's face in front of 10 million television viewers.

So you can feel the pain Cleveland is still suffering from LeBron's departure by watching this video. They're so sad and confused by James' exit, that they had to make a professional and well done response to LeBron's Nike commercial.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Heat lose and it's not like the World Trade Center attack



Remember, way back at Zo's Summer Groove, when Dwyane Wade stirred up some controversy by saying the media would equate every Heat loss to the World Trade Center attack? (Wade took a shellacking for that one, but I understood his point).

The loss came Friday night -- actually, the second loss of the year for Miami, but it was hard to draw up any conclusion from the season opening setback against Boston way back in late October.

Tougher opponents coming for the Heat, who thrive on quickies


Do you believe in Chris Paul stopping the Heat?

The undefeated Hornets host the Heat tonight, and I’m hoping – but not holding my breath – that the Heat will actually play a competitive game.

It’s entertaining to watch Miami blow out the rest of the NBA, and you can argue it’s exciting, but it’s not the same kind of exciting as watching a tied game with two minutes left.  

It’s the difference between a noon quickie and a passionate night of wild sex. You can’t really argue against either one, but you’ll remember and appreciate the wild night much longer.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

LeBron's first win overshadowed by his ex



Leave it to the Cleveland Cavaliers, those supposed bottom-dwellers who would never recover from the nastiest of divorces, to overshadow their promiscuous ex-spouse's big night.

LeBron James participated in Miami's first win of the season (you won't be able to say LeBron led his team to victory every time the Heat win this year. On Wednesday, Dwyane Wade and James Jones led the charge. LeBron participated), but the win was so expected against such a mediocre team, it barely registered on the radar.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

LeBron looks more comfortable without Wade

The obvious response after watching Boston outplay Miami in just about every facet of the game: The Celtics have years of developed chemistry, and the Heat remain a work in progress.

Miami will prosper and the optimism in South Florida shouldn't suffer. The Heat nearly made a stunning comeback, and LeBron James hasn't lost his ability to score in the bunches. 

But if I were Erik Spolestra, not only would I be looking over my shoulders even after close victories, I'd be busting out my chalkboard and crunching complex mathematical formulas to figure out how LeBron and Dwyane Wade will complement each other. 



Monday, October 25, 2010

Heat shouldn't worry about its image



David Stern must cringe when uttering the word contraction to reporters, even if he's playing a strategic bargaining game with the players union.

This comes from the commissioner who several years ago dreamed of NBA franchises in Europe, some fish and chips and wienerschnitzel to go with your overpaid admission.






Saturday, October 9, 2010

Heat could compete for title with just LeBron, Bosh



When Oklahoma City coach Scott Brooks said he thinks the Heat "are better without Wade," he was clearly joking. When Wade returns from his self-diagnosed two week hamstring injury, the Heat will have a trio more athletic and explosive than the league has ever seen.

But let's just say the unthinkable occurred and Wade's injury lingered, and then he fell down in his house doing pilates (sorry Boozer) and broke his arm and missed significant time. The Heat would still compete for a title, and that's how scary this team looks.

You can never take too much out of a preseason game, so forget that Miami easily defeated a bad Detroit team and a good Oklahoma City team without Wade.

Instead, compare what the Heat's lineup would look like minus Wade, and to the 2007 Cleveland Cavaliers' lineup that reached the NBA Finals.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Heat stats 2010-11

I peaked into my 2015 Sports Almanac and made a PDF of the 2010-11 Heat statistics.

As usual,Wade led the team in scoring, and LeBron put up near triple-double numbers with a high shooting percentage. He narrowly beat out Wade for the team high in assists. Mike Miller led the Heat in 3-pointers.


(Click below to see the full team stats)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Miami, the city of Scarface, now ruled by the Heat



You can never take back your final conversation with a dying relative, and the last words I ever remember uttering to my nearly lifeless cancer stricken grandfather wasn’t some deep insightful realization about what he meant to me or advice on how to become a successful man with a nice suit and a hot wife.

“Poppy,” I said to the man who was so sick, he told the nurse to bring him an original Coke, with diet no longer able save him, “the Heat just traded for Jamal Mashburn. They’ve really made it.”

Poppy died, the Heat wouldn’t reach the NBA Finals for nearly a decade, but if you were a 14-year old South Florida sports junkie you felt on top of the sports world. Alonzo Mourning, Tim Hardaway and Jamal Mashburn? That’s a hell of a team that people will notice.

Miami, of course, still belonged to Gloria Estefan, Scarface, glamour, glitz, crime, cocaine, sunbathing strippers on South Beach, Spanish billboards and shiny buildings. No more.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

'Canes to face Wannstedt, Dolphins second greatest coach ever?

Dave Wannstedt enters the conscious of South Florida sports fans on Thursday when the U tries to shake off the ugly loss to the Buckeyes with a much more realistic victory against Wannstedt’s Pitt Panthers.

Unless you’re in the Tom Selleck look-alike club in which Wannstedt is a full pledged card-carrying member, you haven’t thought much lately about Dave’s mediocre but respectable career with the Dolphins.


Thursday, September 16, 2010

Even Obama gets more love than LeBron

Our president, whose opponents paint him as the Muslim Communist illegitimate leader, is more popular than LeBron James. Go figure.

At least Obama’s popularity tanked slowly over a year in a half. LeBron plummeted in less than two months.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dampier would bolster Heat's depth, chemistry issues and all



It might have been the most hated hour in the history of television, but I couldn’t help but rewatch LeBron’s Decision last week during routine maintenance of my DVR.

I fast forwarded through LeBron’s snoozer, instead revisiting the stunned analysts’ take on James’ impending move to Miami.

Jon Barry, as many remember, was a hater. He looked shell shocked, unwilling to admit that a trio of James, Wade and Bosh could dominate the league. 

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Marshall looks like the real deal for Miami

The Dolphins didn’t dominate in their opener, didn’t make any eye-opening statements against a below average Buffalo team.

But the most important thing to take out of Sunday’s game? Brandon Marshall is a beast, and the best target Miami has had in years. Ted Ginn’s No. 19 jersey has officially been washed, sanitized, purified, rectified. However you want to say it, the number looks a hell of a lot better on Marshall.



Saturday, September 11, 2010

Thoughts from the day that wasn't for Florida football teams

We can’t vote, can’t drive, it’s too hot, it rains all summer, but we damn sure know how to play football.

There’s so much talent by the beaches, in the muck that the Top 10 should forever be loaded with the state’s Big Three, and on Saturday it looked like Florida State and Miami had a chance to rejoin the Gators in elite company.

Then came the truth. Reality: 1, Miami/FSU: 0


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Remembering the All-Time best Heat players in honor of NBA Jam

Don’t fault the newly resurrected NBA Jam for giving you Rony Seikaly and Glen Rice instead of Alonzo Mourning and Tim Hardaway as your Miami legends. I cheered the bait-and-switch.




Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Parcells steps down with undetermined legacy in Miami

There’s a very thin line between lauding Bill Parcells for resuscitating a Dolphins team that was gasping for oxygen in a Himalayan village known as the House that Cameron built, and cursing the man who rode into town on a white horse and leaves Miami (sorry, sticks around as a consultant) a few short years later with Jeff Ireland and Tony Sparano to kick around -- nothing against Ireland and Sparano. Maybe they’ll continue to build a solid, if not impressive foundation that Parcells started to build at Sun Life Robbie Pro Stadium Park. Maybe not.

But you can’t really criticize the Big Tuna yet, because his legacy is far from determined in Miami an you have to remember what he came to fix.



Monday, August 23, 2010

Leaked documents turn Marlins from stingy to greedy


If I were a Chicago Cubs fan, and now that I'm married and somewhat domesticated my blood alcohol level isn't high enough to root for the Cubbies, I would despise the Florida Marlins. 

It's difficult to despise the Marlins – indifference comes to mind much before hate – but if there's one faction of fans who should groan at every Marlins victory, it's the rowdy bunch from the North Side.

Financial documents leaked Monday by Deadspin.com (and dissected by the Palm Beach Post) reveal that in 2008, the perennially cash-strapped Fish netted $29.5 million while spending a major-league low $29.7 million. 

Loria and Samson: Genius businessmen or thieves?

Friday, August 13, 2010

Think LeBron, think!

Things I wouldn't do this summer if I were LeBron James:

1. Stroll around an Ohio theme park like you didn't just diss your home state on national television

2. Shoot balls into an impossible-to-make amusement park mini-hoop with those angry fans staring you down.

Then again, I'm the one writing about LeBron, and he's the one living the life, so maybe he has it all figured out?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Take LeBron's tweet threat seriously












It’s easy to slap LeBron James in the face off the court, where he’s merely a tall, wealthy famous guy. 

But James provided a stark reminder in 140 characters or less that he wasn’t the most coveted free agent in NBA history because he acts like a douche in Las Vegas. 

“Don’t think for one min that I haven’t been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!” KingJames Tweeted on Tuesday. 


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Heavily anticipated Heat-Celtics opener getting older and chunkier




The NBA’s Yoko Ono couldn’t resist, force feeding himself into the most anticipated season opener in league history.

In 84 days, Miami and Boston will destroy the NBA’s regular season ratings record, unleashing a new team of superstars who could redefine basketball or epically fail trying. 

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Stick a fork in Pat White


An aging Thomas Edison failed in his quest to invent a machine that could talk to dead people. George Washington chopped down his father's cherry tree (although, to his credit, he admitted to the dirty deed). Whitney Houston had that whole crack head phase.

So you don't want to throw Bill Parcells and his lackeys under the bus for wasting a second round draft selection, although drafting Pat White looks like a giant blunder for a front office of supposed geniuses who have a lot to prove before living up to the hype. 

                                     

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The five step plan to recover from LeBron and Bosh

You expected Cavs and Knicks -- and to a lesser degree, Raptors and Bulls --  fans to bombard the Super Friends with pitchforks and torches, or maybe a machete and a Nunchuck.

But that was three weeks ago. So much has happened since then, like Bristol and Levi Johnston’s reunion, the emergence of the YouTube Double Rainbow video, and the end to the oil leak (never mind, some things never change).

(LeBron as a New Yorker? Only in Spike Lee's wet dreams) 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Dear Abby, my name is LeBron and I need a man in my life

Dear Abby,
My name is LeBron and I need advice. I’ve done pretty well for myself over the last decade. A lot of people wear my name on their back, and I earn more money in a single day than most Americans earn in a year. I’m popular with women, and my coworkers seem to like me.

But a few weeks ago, I made a series of questionable decisions because I had no one to give me good, solid advice. I was deciding where to work next year, and I had potential employers all around the country trying to lure me. My heart was really in Cleveland, where I’ve worked for the last seven years, but the other guys in my office were holding me back -- the second most valuable employee was this little guy named Mo. The boss tried teaming me up with an over-the-hill, overweight clown that looks like Grimace giving birth to a McNugget. And this was supposed to keep me in my home state.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Marlins get a pie in the face

Chris Coughlan can compare himself to Angels first baseman Kendry Morales all he wants, but at least Morales broke his left leg celebrating his own game-winning grand slam.

Remember when Arizona Cardinals kicker Bill Gramatica tore his ACL celebrating a 42-yard field goal before halftime? Sorry Coughlan, you just don’t want to be in the same company as a Gramatica, especially not the less talented brother.

No, the reigning Rookie of the Year took embarrassing sports injuries to new heights Monday night in San Francisco, tearing his left knee after tossing a pie in the face of teammate of Wes Helms. Helms’ walk-off hit had just given the Marlins another come-from-behind victory, although Coughlan’s not-so-sweet pie injury should equate to a few losses.