Leaked documents turn Marlins from stingy to greedy

If I were a Chicago Cubs fan, and now that I'm married and somewhat domesticated my blood alcohol level isn't high enough to root for the Cubbies, I would despise the Florida Marlins. 

It's difficult to despise the Marlins – indifference comes to mind much before hate – but if there's one faction of fans who should groan at every Marlins victory, it's the rowdy bunch from the North Side.

Financial documents leaked Monday by Deadspin.com (and dissected by the Palm Beach Post) reveal that in 2008, the perennially cash-strapped Fish netted $29.5 million while spending a major-league low $29.7 million. 

Loria and Samson: Genius businessmen or thieves?

Think LeBron, think!

Things I wouldn't do this summer if I were LeBron James:

1. Stroll around an Ohio theme park like you didn't just diss your home state on national television

2. Shoot balls into an impossible-to-make amusement park mini-hoop with those angry fans staring you down.

Then again, I'm the one writing about LeBron, and he's the one living the life, so maybe he has it all figured out?

Take LeBron's tweet threat seriously

It’s easy to slap LeBron James in the face off the court, where he’s merely a tall, wealthy famous guy. 

But James provided a stark reminder in 140 characters or less that he wasn’t the most coveted free agent in NBA history because he acts like a douche in Las Vegas. 

“Don’t think for one min that I haven’t been taking mental notes of everyone taking shots at me this summer. And I mean everyone!” KingJames Tweeted on Tuesday. 

Heavily anticipated Heat-Celtics opener getting older and chunkier

The NBA’s Yoko Ono couldn’t resist, force feeding himself into the most anticipated season opener in league history.

In 84 days, Miami and Boston will destroy the NBA’s regular season ratings record, unleashing a new team of superstars who could redefine basketball or epically fail trying. 

Stick a fork in Pat White

An aging Thomas Edison failed in his quest to invent a machine that could talk to dead people. George Washington chopped down his father's cherry tree (although, to his credit, he admitted to the dirty deed). Whitney Houston had that whole crack head phase.

So you don't want to throw Bill Parcells and his lackeys under the bus for wasting a second round draft selection, although drafting Pat White looks like a giant blunder for a front office of supposed geniuses who have a lot to prove before living up to the hype. 

                                     

The five step plan to recover from LeBron and Bosh

You expected Cavs and Knicks -- and to a lesser degree, Raptors and Bulls --  fans to bombard the Super Friends with pitchforks and torches, or maybe a machete and a Nunchuck.

But that was three weeks ago. So much has happened since then, like Bristol and Levi Johnston’s reunion, the emergence of the YouTube Double Rainbow video, and the end to the oil leak (never mind, some things never change).

(LeBron as a New Yorker? Only in Spike Lee's wet dreams) 

Dear Abby, my name is LeBron and I need a man in my life

Dear Abby,
My name is LeBron and I need advice. I’ve done pretty well for myself over the last decade. A lot of people wear my name on their back, and I earn more money in a single day than most Americans earn in a year. I’m popular with women, and my coworkers seem to like me.

But a few weeks ago, I made a series of questionable decisions because I had no one to give me good, solid advice. I was deciding where to work next year, and I had potential employers all around the country trying to lure me. My heart was really in Cleveland, where I’ve worked for the last seven years, but the other guys in my office were holding me back -- the second most valuable employee was this little guy named Mo. The boss tried teaming me up with an over-the-hill, overweight clown that looks like Grimace giving birth to a McNugget. And this was supposed to keep me in my home state.